willierko

Posted on 3/20/08 11:40 PM

"In just a few moments, at my leisure, I'm gonna call Vince McMahon out to his ring in front of his public on a television show that's owned by his grand company. At least, that is, until this Sunday at Survivor Series. I know how much you people appreciate what Shane and Stephanie and I have done. How Shane and Stephanie and I have stood up to the tyranny of Vince McMahon. And the way it is ladies and gentlemen is quite simple: the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) will die this Sunday. But don't blame me for that. It's not my faulty. I'm not the one who ruined everything that was accomplished by "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. You see at Survivor Series, it means so much more than just the personalities that are involved. It's about ending what Vince McMahon has tried to accomplish. I sat there at that desk on Monday and I listened to Mick Foley, and I agreed with everything Mick Foley had to say; that the WWF truly does suck! Don't boo me! Have you watched the television show lately? Vince McMahon has lost his mind! The man doesn't have it anymore! He's a has-been. His ideas are antiquated. His concepts are Draconian and Mick Foley was right because the WWF is imploding from within. Like every great empire, the WWF is imploding from within. Vince's loyal employees, like "Stone Cold", left him, like Mick Foley wants nothing to do with him, Vince's own children want him to burn in Hell, and I don't blame 'em. Vince McMahon will see the WWF die this Sunday at Survivor Series and he has no hope to save his precious company. Vince McMahon has the same chances of saving the WWF as he did of realizing his dream of starting a football league! (Vince's McMahon's music hits and he enters the ring.) I want you to know that I was down on my knees because I know you're used to men kissing your ass, Vinnie. Every time you walk in the back, there's Patterson and Brisco, 'Oh, what a great idea you had, Vince!' You like men kissing your ass, don't you, Vince? Because that's what you're all about; a billionaire! The billionaire, Vince McMahon! The creator of sports entertainment! I've waited so long to see you face to face like this. And I've waited so long to tell you to your face that I hate your stinking guts. And it's not just me, it's your children that hate your stinking guts, Vince, and at Survivor Series, your children are going to do to you what I've waited my whole life to see someone do to you, Vince. You are, so help me God, the most disgusting, vile, son of a bitch I've ever seen in my life. You took Hulk Hogan?s blood and you built Titan Towers. You stole Bret Hart?s dream, and with that money, bought yourself an airplane with WWF all over it. You did that and you know it, you son of a bitch! You stole Shawn Michaels? smile, took your company public and made yourself a billionaire. But not a self-made billionaire, like you like to tell everybody you are. Oh no?see, you?re a billionaire on other people?s hard work. Your father, your father, Vince McMahon, your father went around the country and shook the hand...you know I'm telling you the truth, don't you? You know in your heart that I'm telling you the truth, that your father shook the hand of every promoter in this country that he'd never compete against them, that his son would never compete against them. And when your father DIED, you competed! And with your ruthless, merciless, take-no-prisoners attitude, you drove everybody out of business, didn't you, Vince? You ran all the competition into the ground and you stole all their ideas and you made yourself a billionaire out of it! And you know whose ideas you stole the most, Vince? You stole mine. See, I don't give a damn about Don Owen and Sam Mushnick and Jim Crockett, I care about what you did to me and my family. How you stole my dreams, how you stole my legacy, how you stole everything that Extreme Championship Wrestling (ECW) represented. Because while Doink the Clown had green hair and a rubber nose, "Stone Cold" Steve Austin was drinking his first beer in ECW, damn you. While Bobby Heenan and Gene Okerlund were dancing around singing "Tutti Fruitti", ECW was producing the edgy TV that you named "attitude." 'Oh, we've got attitude!' You've got nothing, man! What you've got is my ideas and you stole my life, my money, my legacy! (throws his hat at him) SCREW YOU! SCREW YOU AND YOUR FAMILY! I'll tell you something, your own children hate your guts! And on Sunday, your children are going to get even with you, for everything that you stole from me, from everything you stole from them! You flaunt your affairs in front of your wife! You flaunt your affairs in Playboy for your children to read! You bastard! Look at Tazz! Look at Tazz! This man was a killer, he was a machine! He was a wrestler, a great wrestler, a real man. But wrestling is a dirty word to you, isn't it, Vince? Your father built a wrestling company, and you, you had to have sports entertainment. 'We have to have sports entertainment, ha ha ha!' (Points to Tazz) He was a wrestler, he was a great wrestler, he was a man. And now, he's a fat, little, obnoxious color commentator, and not even a good one! He is a sports entertainer. He is not a wrestler because you made wrestling a dirty word. You made wrestling a dirty word, Vince. What kind of a man are you? What kind of a man takes wrestling and makes it sports entertainment? At Survivor Series, you're going down. You're going down, Vince. I promise you, you're going down, and I'm going to watch it and your children are going to lift their leg, and stand over your grave and we're going to laugh. And you know what else I'm going to do, Vince? I'm going to run your ass out of business. And there's not a damn thing you can do about. I'm feeling good about myself..." (Tazz locks in the Tazzmission and chokes Heyman down)

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Posted on 3/19/08 9:07 PM

- You defeat another jobber, and Michael Cole says it is the biggest win of your career.

- Scotty 2 Hotty is your tag partner.

- You cut a promo about not being used properly, and then Kane comes out and chokeslams you.

- You don't get an entrance, but your opponent does.

- The company asks you to cut your hair.

- The company asks you to get a tan.

- The announcers are talking about something else instead of calling your match.

- You are booked in a handicapped match against The Big Show.

- The "WWE Live Events" bar scrolls across the bottom of the screen during your match.

- Al Snow trained you.

- Your only television time is in a battle royal.

- Your match gets interrupted in progess by a backstage segment.

- Instead of having a match, you play an extra for a skit at Wrestlemania.

- Your opponent is Triple H.

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Posted on 3/17/08 6:44 PM

"Lord knows, if it's on the internet, it's got to be true!" Shawn Michaels

"I am the singest... singest, is that a word?" - HHH

"I am twice the man you are, and I have half the brain you do!" - Sid Vicious speaking to Kevin Nash

"There's one thing that comes into mind when I see Trish Stratus... MANAGEMENT" - Jerry Lawler

"Representing The Allowance..." - Lillian Garcia

"Representing The Alliance, Chuck O'Haire!" - Lillian Garcia

"By the time The Iron Sheik gets to the ring, it will be Wrestlemania 37!" - Bobby Hennan

"Hey Bret! If you could just, uh, join us here in the real world for a little while..." - Sting, after a Bret Hart tirade

"Same Hurri-time, Same Hurri-station!" - The Hurricane (Shane Helms)

"Sid Vicious is a thinking man's wrestler!" - Larry Zbysko

"Speaking of birthday suits, I think Mae Young's needs ironing!" Jerry
Lawler

"You knew if I was on the card I was gonna give you 100%, no matter how drunk, how hungover I was!" - Kevin Nash mocking Arn Anderson

"I got more on my mind than those girls have on their bodies!" - Jerry Lawler

"What time is it? It's Jenny Craig time!" - HHH mocking Vader

"I think [my] book is a lot about just how ridiculous the lifestyle is. For example, you win the King of the Deathmatch, you're on a cloud, and you've got press all around you and then the press leaves, and you realize there's no ambulance for you, the bus has left, and you walk to the hospital with your bag." - Mick Foley

"What am I doing carrying my own bags?" Vince McMahon

"Christian! His parents waited nine months to call him Christian. My parents could have waited nine months to call me Jew!" - Paul Heyman

"Here come the New Age Outlaws!" - Mike Tenay, referring to the Old Age Outlaws on Thunder

"Are you the real Santa, or are you just a fat piece of trash? I got a little Christmas present for you myself!" - Steve Austin (Before beating up Santa)

"Stone Cold's favorite beer is his next!" - Jerry Lawler

"Vince Russo is writing all of this sex and T&A. You know why? He can't get any! He has to write about it!" - Roddy Rowdy Piper

"One of us is thinking about sex... OK, it's me!" - Jerry Lawler

"The Mean Street Posse is the winner!" - Lillian Garcia

"Making their way to the ring, Lita!" - Lillian Garcia

"Hulk Hogan, you big bald son of a bitch, kiss my ass!" - Vince Russo

"If looks could kill, Austin would be on death row!" - Jim Ross

[Pat Paterson Proceeds To Remove His Shirt] "And Remember Guys, He's Single!" - Jim Ross

"When The Phenoix Suns are missing two basketballs, they'll know where to look!" - Bobby Hennan commenting on a porn star's gigantic breasts

"Everybody's screwed me and nobody does a goddamn thing about it!" - Bret Hart

"What is that smell? You might want to use that to clean up the mess you just made all over yourself!" - The Warrior, aftering being offered an NWO T-Shirt from Hollywood Hogan

"Unless you got real short and real fat, you ain't no Booker T!" - Steve Austin talking to Tazz

(To The Tune Of Happy Birthday) "Happy Birthday To Steph, You're a Hoe with Big Breasts, so take the Night off from Hooking... If ya Smell what The Rock's cooking!" - The Rock

"I got pairs of socks taller than Tazz!" - Jerry Lawler

"Ric Flair, you're a jealous old bastard! And you belong where you're at in WCW, because WCW sucks!" - Big Poppa Pump

"...and oh yeah stop being such a filthy, dirty, disgusting bottomfeeding trashbag ho! maybe then you`d have a shot at Y2J!!" - Chris Jericho talking to Stephanie

Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: "I always say, 'Once is not enough'."

Rob Van Dam: "Yeah, I heard that about you." - Smackdown, September 27 2001

"Ahmed Johnson came from a neighborhood where the most common words heard was, You have the right to remain silent." - Jerry Lawler

"I think Stephanie just ruined Rob Van Dam's chances of becoming the WCW title" - Jim Ross, Raw, September 24 2001

"Pat Patterson works at The Brisco Brothers bodyshop... Yeah, he does rear-end work!" - Jim Ross

"Do you know who else is hot? My mom! My Mom's HOT!!!" - Paul Heyman, Smackdown, October 4 2001

"Making her way to the ring, The Women's Wrestling Federation Champion, Tori!" - Lillian Garcia

"DDP, while you're at the hospital, screaming in pain... your wife will be on her back, screaming my name!" - Big Poppa Pump

"The Crock thinks Kenny should switch to decaf!" HHH referring to Ken Shamrock (X-Pac) who is acting crazy.

5 comments Permalink

Posted on 3/17/08 6:40 PM

I stole this from a website :nodq.com, and thought it was hilarious and decided to share with you guys :

1. You walk into church and high five people in the pews as you walk down the aisle.

2. You purposely blade yourself while shaving.

3. Every time you see an Elvis impersonator, you ask for his autograph and get upset when it's not signed "Honky Tonk Man"

4. You attack your friends from behind with a chair, and look around the room, waiting for crowd reaction.

5. You shake someone's hand, you pause, and hesitate, while looking around nervously.

6. You walk up to get your diploma, and the graduation song is playing, you turn to the audience and shout "Ooooooh Yeeeaaahhh!" and snap into a Slim Jim.

7. You won't come out of your room until your parent's play your theme on the stereo.

8. You Leapfrog over people while playing football, then turn around, and clothesline them.

9. Every time you go to church you wait for the priest to quote something from the Book of Austin.

10. Every time you leave a room you shout, "AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, SON!"

11. Everytime you score in a game, you start doing crotch chops towards your opponent.

12. You want people to leave you alone, you feel up your chest, and deeply inhale.

13. Every time a teacher's pet passes by your desk, you mumble "Lousy Babyface," and stick your foot out to trip him.

14. Every time you walk past someone lying down, you feel the sudden urge to put them in a Sharpshooter.

15. Every time you come in contact with a roll of duct tape, you wrap it tightly around your wrist.

16. Your teacher gives you detention, you give them a Stone Cold Stunner and walk out of class, flashing your middle fingers.

17. You find yourself carrying a baseball bat, metal chair, and 2X4 wooden plank around with you everywhere you go.

18. You hold regularly scheduled matches with your stuffed animals, including a monthly PPV called "In Your Room."

19. You make a Championship Belt out of cardboard, aluminum foil, and glitter and then frequently model in front of a mirror wearing it.

20. You find yourself spending hours designing ring props to bring to school to use as this years science project.

21. You are constantly telling your brothers, sisters and/or friends to eat their vitamins and say their prayers and then they can be like you.

22. As soon as someone shakes your hand, you follow with a boot to their mid-section and immediately go for an Arm-Bar Submission Hold.

23. You are always getting in trouble for trying to put a Figure Four Leg Lock on your little brother and/or sister.

24. You rent a table at the mall for the weekend and hold an autograph session.

25. You challenge the school bully, telling him he can't beat you on his best or your worst day. This is answered by a solid punch in the nose and when all hell breaks loose, school officials rush in to break it up.

26. You took you mothers' wig mannequin and painted "HELP ME" backwards on its forehead and carry it every place you go.

27. You have to be rushed to the ER because you swallowed the green dye you were planning on spitting in a classmates face.

28. You tell your friends you are the neighborhood "Icon" and demand their respect. They all get pissed off at you and a feud erupts.

29. You have to pay to fix the top rail you broke off the wooden deck attempting a Frog Splash onto your little brother or sister.

30. You refer to your girlfriend as your valet.

31. You spend hours teaching your dog to do a moonsault off the top of his doghouse.

32. Every time your boss tells you not to present the proper corporate image, you call him "The dumbest SOB you have ever met," and hit him with a Stunner.

33. You wont enter a room until the lights go out and there is a fireworks display.

34. You switch schools swearing that the principal at your old one screwed you.

35. You ask you girl friend to get pumped up and master low blows.

36. You smash your mothers sewing dummy in the back with a folding chair.

37. You lay your little brother or sister on the kitchen table and do a 450 Splash off the refrigerator onto him and put him through the table.

38. You refuse to visit any family members unless you go in a lear jet and a stretch limo.

39. You want four weeks worth of video promos of you shown to anyone before you meet them for the first time.

40. You wear white face paint and a long black coat to school. You rush in and chase 15 of the meanest kids in school out of the school yard when you see them pushing three of your friends around.

Author: Unknown

19 comments Permalink

Posted on 2/26/08 9:09 PM

Stand Up and Be COUNTED !.......And listen to the best promo that I have heard in a long time.

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